I had many blogs in my life.
Most of them were set up from an administrative point of view and because I like to fiddle around with webservers and wordpress installations, not so much because I really wanted to express myself.
When you look at the timestamps of my posts you will find month, sometimes years between them, so why is that?
It is because I dont feel like writing what Im doing, because I always felt it wasnt important enough to share with the others out there. After all they have a whole life of their own and as least as much memories and thoughts so why would they need mine?
But I slowly realize that writing stuff down is not just because you have to tell everyone about your crazy, fucked up life but because you need to preserve it for yourself. You have to preserve it to be able to look back at where you were and what you were and how much of it really changed over the years.
Ive been an online-junkie for half my life now, 16 fucking years of chatting and sharing. But IRC (and other means of online conversation) is a fleeting thing. Its not structured and not meant to be preserved. Sure, some of us keep logs of their conversations, but do you really look back at it just to read it again? No you dont, you just keep it in case you want to prove something to someone or need to look up an URL or a password that got lost otherwise. So lets have one more attempt at writing stuff down, one more attempt at preserving my life, thoughts and experience for myself and (maybe) others who might find it intersting. Who knows, right?
If I started writing down everything noteworthy that came to my mind right now I would probably still sit here tomorrow, in front of an endless wall of text but far from being finished or satisfied, so I will begin with recapturing the last two days of my life.
Yesterday was monday and the first day of work after two really nice weeks of vacation (I might talk about those another time, or maybe not). Getting back to work after a while feels almost the same everytime. You feel like you have been away and out of touch with work things for far too long and wonder what all might have happened in your absence. The truth is: nothing happened. Its like you just came back from the weekend. The faces, the stupid jokes, the annoying things. Everything is still there to jump you in the face the minute you enter the office. If it wasnt for hundreds of unread (and mostly unimportant) mails there would be no way of telling how long Ive been away.
So the workday came and went and afterwards I went to the supermarket to buy some beer and groceries. At the counter, when I was digging for some change, I noticed something was missing in my wallet, something utterly important: the keys to my place (which I always carry in there since I tend to forget stuff and it was hard to enough to teach me to check for my money and my phone before I leave the house or anywhere else). So no keys, damnit. Memories of last night flashing through my mind: I remember I used the keys to check for some sort of microphone in my basement, I must have forgotten to put them back.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. This is SO me.
But luck was on my side because just prior to my absence I gave a pair of spare keys to my best friend because he had no internet at that time and asked if he could use mine for some mails and other important stuff. So at least I wont have to pay the money for the locksmith to get me back in (been there, done that). I tried to call him but his phone was off. I clearly needed some place to go, sitting in front of my locked door trying to ring him all night somehow didnt seem like fun. Since I recently installed Cyanogenmod on my Android (oh TouchWhiz, how I do hate thee) and Google decided not to auto reinstall my apps it was kinda empty. I 3G’ed myself an ICQ client to contact my cousin living not too far off and lucky me, he was online and at home. So 30 mins later I was sitting in his smallish place, still trying to reach the keyholder (without any luck) and eventually crashing there for the night. With no shower and no fresh cloth I got up in the late morning and went back to work (sorry if I smelled a little funny ;).
During the day at the office I finally managed to reach my friend, the keyholder, so after work I went for that direction. We talked about my vacation, about Nowhere (good luck to faith and paniq <3) , about some general stuff and time went way too fast as it usually does. I dont have a bike (they somehow get stolen or break down soon after I manage to get one), so I went home by bus.
While I was busy listening to music with my earbuds and IRCing on my smartphone (checking the same channels way too often just to notice nothing important has been said) I notices the bus had suddenly stopped and everyone around me seemed to be in brouhaha so I lifted my head from my phone to see whats going on. As it turned out the bus had hit a person running across the street. Luckily the driver had been able to avoid the worst and the guy only had a broken foot or leg. But nevertheless the ride was over and the police quickly arrived. The policemen told the driver he may not drive on because hes most likely in a state of shock and so we had to wait for a replacement bus to take us to the main station. What I noticed during that time was that, apart from two girls who seemed to have been really close to the guy that got hit, no one really seemed to be worrying or sorry about what just happened. In fact they all just seemed annoyed that their ride home was being delayed. Thats the world we live in today, there seems to be no empathy anymore. A guy was close to being killed but all that matters is to get home on time.
Finally the replacement bus arrived and carried us on, I got home with aprox. 30 minutes of delay but whatever.
After all it was just a minor traffic accident like it happens all the time all over the world, but it was the moment I decided to pick up writing once again. Not only for the people out there but for myself. To conserve my feelings and my thoughts and because thats exactly the type of thing that tends to fade away and be forgotten way too soon.
Tomorrow is another day of work and after that I will go to a concert of Käptn Peng & Die Tentakel von Delphi with Ford Prefect, a demoscene friend of mine. I really like their music and their lyrics, its some sort of german pseudo-intellectual rap with a funny aspect to it. If you happen to speak that language you should check it out.
If I dont forget and have the motivation I will be back to tell you (and my future self) about it. I hope I will.
Good night – Arv out.